3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
