I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
why is half of my head shaved?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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