I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
