That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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