My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
