So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
