Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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