will power is for people who don't want to get laid
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
