You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
