Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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