I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
