Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
