fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We are two peas in an std pod
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
