i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
