I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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