Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Drake has all the answers
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
