I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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