I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
