I think I am morally bankrupt
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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