i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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