Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
