My sheets look like a crime scene.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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