Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
