He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
