Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
