god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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