my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
