I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
