Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
