i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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