and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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