is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
