tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
