you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
