i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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