i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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