I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
So squirting runs in the family.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Randomize
