then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize