Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So much rum. So many feels.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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