Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
