she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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