I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
