i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
