I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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