My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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