cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I need to align my fucking chakras
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
