just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i've created a new STD.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
