just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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