I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
