i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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