He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
