Don't you send me to vm
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
