Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
