It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
