sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
