so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
