My friends, they love my intelligence
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
