Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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