giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
