Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize