if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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