Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
someone owes me an orgasm
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
