she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
