i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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