I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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