I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
