textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
