I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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