things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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