3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
