Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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