At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
