i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
