Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Never underestimate the power of titties
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