You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
