do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
