If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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