pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
