ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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