Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
