he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
