The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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