I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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